Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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