Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
