So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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