i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
