remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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