his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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