so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
