My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
