if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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