non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
