They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
