I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
