i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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