I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
