okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
