Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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