I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We need a shit load of segways right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
