..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
