can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you didnt know i had herpes?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
