Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
