Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
