You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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