addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
