I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
