i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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