apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
