we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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