You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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