Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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