when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
4 words: hood of his car
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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