She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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