hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
