Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
