naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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