the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
