with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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