I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They took my balls.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
