you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
