he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
