i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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