seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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