Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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