she woke up with a sticky ear
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
