Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize