She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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