Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
