His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
