you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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