well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize