I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
