Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
