Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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