dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize