Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
