i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize