halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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