HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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