Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
