Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
