Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
