hell yes lets make some ravioli
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
