if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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