nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
