i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
