Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize