she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were destined to go to rehab together
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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